Classical Winos!

Welcome to Classical Night on DWTS! Now, being that the Winos are not cultured enough to know the names of these classical pieces, we will instead give you the pop culture reference that they bring to mind.

Before we begin, let's start with our first wine of the evening:



Rodney Strong Sauvignon Blanc
Price: $8.99
Location: Bel Air

First off, Rodney would make a great name for a cat. This wine was a little 'meh,' but easy to drink and went well with our dinner.

Chicken Serenada from Trader Joe's and artichokes with hollandaise sauce.




The chicken was delish, as was the sauce--I mean, the artichokes. It was about this time that we wondered what poor soul was the first one to try and eat an artichoke. Did they try to eat the whole thing? How did they discover the heart??

Anyhoo, moving on to our classical pieces, we start off with Romeo's Paso Doble to the tune of Debeer's Jewelry commercial:


Sourpuss Kendra (who should be going home tonight), managed to butcher her dance as well as her 'mafia' ensemble. Did she get "Viennese" confused with "Venice" and think mafia attire was appropriate? Her dance was to the tune of Shawshank Redemption's prison scene:


Sugar Ray and his partner's awful awful dress (Disney Princess meets cupcake?) danced to something from the Nutcracker. We both believe the Fantasia flowers and mushrooms did it better:

(Doesn't that make you want to watch the movie again? LOVE the scene with the centaurs!!!)

Next was beautiful, skinny, perfect Petra and her dance to what we think was once in a Chips Ahoy commercial? That has yet to be verified.

Ralph and his amazingness did a routine to Romeo & Juliet...we couldn't come up with a reference for this one. But, we're sure Sarah's mother was sobbing during this performance.



Wine #2:



Loredona Riesling
Price: $8.99
Location: Bel Air

Our verdict?
Lindsay: I'm getting pear and vanilla....(picks up bottle and reads label)....No wait, peach and honeydew!
Sarah: Goes well with cookies.

Yes, our dessert happened to be chocolate chip cookies.

Is that a challenge? (We did consume, and survived. Nestle's a bunch of liars.)

Next up was Hines, didn't know his song either, but yowza her dress was HOT! And he was really good.

Then we had Chelsea, who danced to the Harry Potter theme. We were a tad slow to catch on...
S: Oh, he's a wizard!
L: Oh. And she's a wizard slut!
(These two are totally hooking up, right?)

Wrestler dude was rocking a porn stache and dancing to the Hershey's Kisses song. And holy tan-o-rexics!!

Finally, Kirstie and her shoe danced to what sounded like Bertolli's Frozen Dinners?

What did we learn here this evening?
Lindsay and Sarah watch too much TV.

Xoxo!

Winos Take One for the Blog.

Hello and Welcome to our first blog of Spring!

It came just in time. Being pasty AND a wino is bad news all around.

You must forgive us for our lack of enthusiasm for this particular blog. "Sunday Funday" was a little TOO fun, due to a overly friendly bartender.

Let's just say it involved this:

Enough said.

So, as dedicated bloggers, we felt the need to you (our 5 readers) to force ourselves to drink our designated two bottles of wine.

We started off with

Redwood Creek Sauvignon Blanc
Price: $5.99
Location: Fremont Market (we've by now made friends with the nice fellas that run this joint)

And....eek! This was very sharp to start off with, but we decided to blame that on our hangover. It got better with glass two. Not to be outdone, Grover P managed to squeeze his fat butt in the photo.

Our dancing celebrities started off the evening with what is probably the worst cover in the history of the world -- Last Night a DJ Saved my Life. Yikes!
It was about this time that we were sidetracked from Wendy's subpar dancing skills and turned our attention to the two floatation devices stuck to her chest and argued as to what letter of the alphabet she is rocking. G? F? XXX?

Turns out it is a very normal 36 DD. Which we find hard to believe.

Anyone else notice that every dancer, regardless of skill or performance, is getting a standing ovation? Those kind of lose their meaning when both Wendy and say...Ralph are getting the same reaction from the audience.

Our boyfriend Romeo performed his rumba to the Jackson 5. Like we needed another reason to love him.

Apparently the dress code for the ladies this evening was bikini plus chiffon coverups? Beach couture at it's finest.

Onto our next wine of the evening

Veramonte Sauvignon Blanc
Price: $10.99
Location: You guessed it! Fremont Market.

Did we mention this evening's cuisine was brought to you by Capitol Dawg? YUM! Can't go wrong with hot dogs.
This wine smelled fruity, like tart apples, but the taste was....ok. You can find better whites for cheaper.

Can we mention again how gorgeous Dmitry is?

Ooh la la! We know we can only say that so many times, but really.

Oh Maks, are you okay?!

We'll soothe your wounds. Don't worry.

This is Team Ralph Macchio signing off.
Until next time! Lay off the Sunday Funday!!!